Healing as I choose to forgive

I so desperately want to make a difference in the lives of people who are grieving. I am sensing the assignment that I have been given but feel stuck. I cried out to The Holy Spirit for inspiration and passion once again. I immediately remembered the night Hannah left for her heavenly abode. She was on life support after a hour long fight by first responders to get her heart started. She was still in the emergency room from the day before. I was pushing for them to get her a room and give her more time to come back. Her saturation levels had been increasing in the hours I had been there which proved she was not brain dead. I am a women of faith and believe in miracles. The women who drove me the two hours to the hospital, (my dear friend Carrie) had to return. I had dogs I was sitting that were locked on a balcony and needed to be let out and fed. I made the decision to leave and come back. The hospital wanted to pull her off life support but I told them NO let’s give her more time. I held and kissed my baby girl and encouraged her to fight. I told her I would be back in a few hours. Her dad and his wife were going to stay.

As we drove we intercede for her life, we felt a peace fill the vehicle and I believed that she was going to live and be fully whole. Ten minutes later the hospital called to say that she had left us ten minutes earlier (when we felt the peace). Her dad had given them permission to pull the plug then left the room. She was alone and I wasn’t with her. I had been very angry at the hospital for not fighting for her. I am convinced they saw her as only an addict and not the beautiful soul that she was. I was angry at her dad for going against my wishes and not being with her as she left. I didn’t know I was angry at myself for not being there. The Holy Spirit began to bring healing as I chose to forgive. Tears and wails accompanied a great release.

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